Love and live the life you love: emotional abuse

Showing posts with label emotional abuse. Show all posts

Thursday, 20 December 2012

How do I know I am in a relationship that is bad for me?

Are you really not sure if the relationship you are in is bad for you? Do you really think you are making a mountain our of a mole hill?

There are many tell-tale signs of toxic relationships, but I am going to mention just some of them.

I know that when I was allowing myself to stay in a toxic relationship that my self esteem was non-existent; and one of the tell-tales that it really was as bad as I thought it might be was he told me that I was useless, nothing like as good as his mother and I would never be able to have a life of my own.

Here are a few of the tell-tale signs:

You are not allowed, or discouraged, to see any of your friends. So you turn down all invitations because it really doesn't seem worth the hassle and ear bashing that will result later on. And so you lose your friends.

When you do manage to go out with any remaining friends, your partner phones your friend to make sure you are there after about an hour and makes you feel awkward.

Your partner decides you won't wear make up because they don't like it.

You feel like you’re always treading on eggshells around them.

You find them listening to all your conversations on the phone just in case you say something they don't like.

Your partner moans and complains when things don’t go according to their plan; this can range from a child being ill to you not being dressed as they think you should be.

Your partner criticises your family whilst expecting you to love theirs.

Your partner puts you down not only at home but in front of other people when you are out together.

Your partner is really pleased with themselves when they have carried the washing basket into the kitchen - “look what I’ve done FOR YOU.” They never do the washing though, that is your job.

You have begun to lose your sense of self and your self esteem is non-existent.

Does of any of this sound familiar? Then you are in a toxic relationship, one that is bad for you. You can choose to remain in it as it is, or you can do something to change it. You don’t have to continue living a life where your confidence and self-esteem are routinely undermined.

You can choose to leave the relationship, or you can choose to change it. Either way, you will have to change something about yourself. That takes courage and begins with the first step. Seeking help. I am the help that you need.

If you want your confidence back, speak to me. Email info@creedencetraining.co.uk and together we can rebuild your confidence so you will again become the confident, capable and amazing person you know you really are.

Maggie Currie
Creedence – The professional women’s divorce coach

Website: http://www.creedencetraining.co.uk

Thursday, 13 December 2012

New for 2013. From confusion to clarity – Becoming ME again

Does this sound familiar?

On the outside you are looking great, but inside you are falling to pieces. The cracks are really beginning to show.

Have you had to make a presentation to the board when you are feeling totally broken inside, and on the outside you are struggling to keep your composure?

There is no need to suffer in silence, you are not alone. I understand what you are going through. Reach out your hand, grab hold - I've got you. I will help you to transition the bold front you are putting on - the perfect appearance on the outside - and the inner turmoil where you are tearing yourself apart.

My new 6 month on line coaching course entitled: 'From Confusion to Clarity - Becoming ME again. The successful woman’s guide to surviving divorce and beyond' is launching in January 2013.

I will give you the tools and techniques to heal the inner you and get you back to the real you. Rebuild your confidence in yourself and end that constant ringing in your ears that you are not good enough. You most definitely are good enough.

You will learn:

To control the direction of the change which will happen in your life.

Success strategies and resources. And

You will gain tools and techniques to confidently create the new future you want and deserve.

I will teach you how to get out from that feeling of despair

into enjoying your life and enjoying being you!

Whether you have been through or are going through divorce, we all know divorce is never easy. There are a range of emotions that could come into play (anger, regret, frustration, fear, sorrow, anguish, bitterness, hatred, depression), and there can be a sense of loss similar to that of bereavement. It is often the case that we go through the 5 stages of bereavement either during or after a divorce. The 5 stages are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

This turmoil of emotions and feelings can make you question your value as a person, and can knock your self-esteem down so far that it begins to seem impossible to come back from that horrible place.

Often you are nagged by your inner voice saying things like "If only I had done this..." or "I should have done this ..." or "I am not lovable" or "I'll never be happy" or "I'll always be alone". That kind of self talk is very destructive and can lead to depression, guilt and a sense of having nowhere to turn.

I will teach you that there is life after divorce and it will be as happy and satisfying as you choose to make it. Yes it is a choice, how you live your life is a choice. Make the right one.

I have been through emotional and psychological abuse, a toxic relationship, divorce, lost my confidence and hit rock bottom. Through changing how I viewed myself, training to be a Life Coach and living what I teach, I have rebuilt my confidence, turned my life around and created my own successful businesses.

I guarantee, if you implement what you learn, you will change your life on my 6 month online course 'From confusion to clarity – Becoming ME again' - The successful woman’s guide to surviving divorce and beyond'.

The benefits to you include:

You will be heard and understood. Together we will begin to change your life and improve your relationship with yourself.

I know how you are feeling and understand exactly how to help you to get your life back, the life you deserve.

You will rebuild your confidence so you can succeed in your life.

You will change your mindset and begin to change your life.

You will get renewed enthusiasm for your success as defined by YOU!

You will get webinar tutorials, workbooks, on line portal for your course work, an initial personal laser coaching call, regular personal coaching calls for Q&A and coaching.

I will be opening up registration to the course in January 2013. Be ready to sign up and change your life.

Maggie Currie

Creedence – The professional women’s divorce coach

Website: http://www.creedencetraining.co.uk

Tuesday, 25 September 2012

Dealing with emotional abuse

I discovered that emotional abuse came from several directions. It came from my first husband who, for years, told me that I was not clever, no use at ironing his shirts, not like his mother, not good enough to be part of his family..... and so on, and on he went.

It also came from my parents who encouraged me to stay with my first husband even though I was plainly unhappy and the marriage wasn’t working. I was told that I was far too young to know my own mind and that divorce was out of the question.

My parents-in-law agreed with my husband that I wasn’t good enough for their family and therefore I should learn how to be a good wife and do everything that I was told to do by my husband.

I dealt with this in the only way that I knew how at the time. I kept my head down, did as I was told and just plodded on through life. I was unhappy and I couldn’t see any end to the misery that I was enduring.

I did, however, find a way out in the end. I was more and more unhappy, the marriage was just not working. My husband was diagnosed as being schizophrenic but he would not accept this. He refused to be treated in any way and accused me of being the instigator of his supposed illness. He was unreasonable and unpredictable and became obsessed with the idea that I was having an affair and would tell me that because I had taken five minutes longer to do the shopping than he expected I must have been meeting a man. This was plainly ridiculous as I had three small children and the shopping to carry. I had neither the time, the energy or the inclination to do so.

This emotional abuse went on for 12 years. In the end something clicked in my head and I couldn't take it any longer. I plucked up the courage to leave. I took the children and left. I sued for divorce and got enough money to buy a small flat where we could live in another town twenty miles away. A new start, in a new town, with a new flat and no emotional abuse day after day.

I am now a much different person and I won’t tolerate emotional abuse from anyone, not from my children, my parents, friends – whoever. My husband now of 27 years would never emotionally abuse anyone and I am so very happy now.

Looking back I do realise that I allowed this to happen to me. At the time I didn't realise it, but now I understand. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

So to deal with emotional abuse can be difficult and it can become impossible. If it becomes impossible for you then you have to choose whether you deserve better or not – I think you do.

So what can you do to get out of this place where you are emotionally abused?

• Get some help from a qualified coach or therapist – make sure it is someone who understands what you are experiencing and can relate to what you are telling them so you can begin your healing process.
• Look online for some blogs that refer to what you are going through. Read them, make comments on them. Open up a dialogue to help you get some answers.
• Buy a self help book and take some action to change the way you think about yourself.
• Make the decision to not be emotionally abused any longer.

Maggie Currie
Creedence – The real women’s divorce coach

Website: http://www.creedencetraining.co.uk

Email: info@creedencetraining.co.uk

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/therealwomensdivorcecoach?ref=hl

Twitter: https://twitter.com/MaggieCurrie

Sunday, 16 September 2012

The experience of divorce - my perspective

Going through divorce was one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. I thought the process would never end and that I would end up with nothing.

Having spent 12 years of my life in a marriage that was not working, where I was emotionally abused, subject to emotional blackmail, controlled and miserable, I could take no more and filed for divorce.

I thought that it would be relatively straight forward. I had good reasons for divorce, I am female, I had three young children. What on earth could go wrong?

I hadn't accounted for the actions of my husband who would not agree to a divorce, his parents, my parents etc. I was accused of lying, of sleeping around, of being unfit to be a mother. I was threatened by my brother-in-law with a fate worse than death if I carried on with my actions. My parents-in-law didn't want divorce in their family. And so on.

I spent nearly a year living in the same house as my husband, sleeping in separate rooms, living separate lives as I had nowhere to go and no money to go with. I hadn't worked for 8 years as I was bringing up the children. I couldn't see a way out. I was miserable.

Fortunately I had a good solicitor who helped me to carry on and I persevered. In the end my husband did agree to a divorce and to 'allowing' me to have just enough money to buy a flat. So I looked for one, found it, received the money, bought it and moved in. I took the children and moved into my flat. I was free at last to live my life. The children went to see their father every other weekend. It felt so good to be free and to have my life back.